So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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