Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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