i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
