Fuck appropriateness.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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