if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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