Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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