Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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