I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize