i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
