i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
