if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize