Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
