dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
