I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
