i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
