I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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