i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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