question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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