Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
