so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
