i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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