Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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