I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
