we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
