I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
