if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
