just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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