Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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