I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nutella sex= disaster
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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