A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh god it's open bar.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
