Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
