If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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