I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
