hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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