Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
