You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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