when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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