I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
