the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
