My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
