who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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