Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
