I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
