Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
