Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
