I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
