i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sober January is a disaster.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
