hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
