Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
