You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
