Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
