All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
