Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Welp...herpes.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Everyone says I win the strip club
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
