He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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