now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
