fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
