It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
