I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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