I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
