You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
