He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
